such a c o l o r f u l MESS ...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I think it's about time I explain myself a bit....because sometimes I feel like such a contradiction.
My opinions change at certain times....actually pretty often...it's constant reinvention.

Theres...

Teenager me- The obvious teenager who would argue for small things and would be overemotional and such...and I also tend to talk about friends and hobbies. Listens to a lot of music...leads to the following personals in extreme situations.
Really happy me- I get loud...very loud....peppy,unrealistic...etc. LOL. usually triggered by good days.
Really..idk me- I'm at a midpoint between happy me and depressed me....something is in the way of letting me be either really happy or really depressed.
depressed me- Doesn't last too long, usually days at a time unless something bad or depressing happens. I would listen to my ipod and sit and think, maybe a picture or idea would come up.
Late night me- Yes. when I stay up late I am a different kind of person, I am happy and I think and I'm calm and inspired. The quiet and lonely helps.

Today I was depressed for about 15 minutes...why?

well thoughts.

about people.

.....who seem to have things much better off.

and I wonder when somthing will happen...

bad enough to make her seem normal.

(I know bad.but I kinda want to see it.)

I want to see when I'll be the same way.

I'm not sure.

and I thought about how close this person seems to perfection.

and how my Sharon said I'm like her that 1 time....

even though she seems to be like me in a better way...

almost....a better version.

and I was angered.

does this make me a bad person????

I just want life to actually be fair.

and 4 our school I have to make this person...pretty.

pretty for everyone to see and not give me much credit for.

and once again I would be overshadowed...

and...well...."it" would... never mind...

ugh.

The last time I felt like this...I looked up.

and wrote this down

"Like an old ceiling....you think it is perfect but all you need is a good look (or a ladder) to see all the cracks"

...I don't really know how to feel about this quote...

everything else was fine

well except when I saw my friend cry....

It was strange....someone like her in such a position...

like I found a weakpoint.

It was depressing.

I loveeee her.

shes really different from other people...

then again...all my close friends are....they are real.

In different ways of course.

Oh and Sofia...if you read this.... 4get everything u read and replace it all with this: He Is Perfect.

so yea...I think thats it.

Labels: am i evil?